4 pillars of change - forgiving

By Marco Silva 16/03/2022


Karen M. McManus said that “Holding on to resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die”, making it very clear that when we insist on not letting go, we are the ones most prejudiced.

On my first initiatory walk to Santiago de Compostela – The Camino de Santiago – I brought a backpack with stuff I didn’t need.
 
At the end of the first day, and after walking 27 km with that extra superfluous weight I almost couldn’t walk due to muscle pain, my legs were porridge. In the next stage, in Pamplona, the first thing I asked someone when I entered the city was “Where’s the post office?”. Blessed post office where I placed all the things I didn’t need to walk and sent back home. Relief for body and soul.
 
The backpack at the Camino and the stuff we carry in it are a life metaphor for those heavy things from the past, beliefs, and opinions that limit us. That are a source of internal suffering poisoning our existence.
 
Karen M. McManus said that “Holding on to resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die”, making it very clear that when we insist on not letting go, we are the ones most prejudiced.
Marco Silva coaching - 4 pillars of change - forgiving
Have you ever listened to someone saying, “men/women are all the same”? This is a good example of holding on to past events and limiting the belief that you have something to say regarding creating your future. As a coach, I’m a witness to how these unhelpful thoughts play a negative role in people's lives.
 
Here’s one of the countless tools to forgive others and yourself – adapted from R. Klimes:
1. Recognise anger and hurt caused by clearly identified offences from yours and others' acts,
2. Prohibit revenge, and any thoughts of wanting to harm as punishment or reprimand for the offender or yourself,
3. Consider the perspective of the offender, that could be you in the past. Try to understand that person's attitude and behaviour – they’ve done the best they know and can,
4. Decide to accept the hurt without taking it back out on the offender. This only magnifies it. Instead, ask yourself “What can I learn about myself through this situation?”,
5. Offer compassion and goodwill to the offender and to yourself. This frees the offended from the offence.
 
Why let go, forgive? Simple answer – Freedom and peace to build a future full of healthy possibilities that are not based on past painful events.
 
If you are looking for a way to structure your future steps take a look at "how to set goals and develop an action plan".

I wish you health, peace and courage to Be Love!

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